With One Hand Tied Behind My Back
Jay Carmona is the Online Community Organizer for Standing on the Side of Love.
As a gay teen being raised in rural Northern California in a fairly conservative area I was alienated from religion. Having a faith or religion and being gay were completely incompatible in the culture of my high school. Until Ellen DeGeneres “came out” via her sitcom I had absolutely no queer role models; people who were out, proud, and living happy lives who I could look up to, and certainly no queer or allied clergy. I thought being gay meant I could never have a religion, until I found Quakerism.
Quakerism gave me a spiritual community which accepted me as I was, which I soon found to be a crucial part of my spiritual journey. As a religious community Quakerism became both a refuge and grounding for my political work as I got older, and where I first learned to articulate the language that every person has inherent worth and dignity. I sometimes think it is ironic that spirituality, the very thing which alienated me, also had the power to affirm and protect me.
The world of being a teenager in the closet was hard to describe. I try to tell people I felt as if I was trying to swim with one hand tied behind my back. I strongly believe Standing on the Side of Love is about younger people growing up without the paralyzing silence I had to grow up with. It is about finding that ground beneath our feet on which to stand up for our principles. I’m talking about the concrete instances of oppression that Standing on the Side of Love resists, because it is when we are confronted with hatred and intolerance that we find out what we are willing to do for our principles. I have found in my own activism that this process of taking action is a healing one.
My first reaction to hearing about Standing on the Side of Love was this: it’s about time. Rev. Meg Riley, who I have had the privilege to work with, explains that SSL, “reaches through Unitarian Universalism to everyone.” It’s about time faith stopped being a tool used to cast people out, but a shield to protect them. I am happy and excited to be part of that, as well as part of such a dynamic and brilliant team. I look forward to hearing from you via our Twitter, Facebook, YouTube or Website, and to telling our story in a way that reaches through all our faiths, to those who are still trying to swim with one hand behind their back.
Yours in the light (as the Quakers say),
Jay
Jay, I’m so happy to have you as part of SSL. I’m a UU from Mount Vernon, VA. My daughter was queer, and I know many queer and transgender young people. Welcome. Love and light,
Karen
Jay:
I arrived at Unitarian Universalism via unstructured Quaker meetings. Being UU has unleased my latent activism.
Your story is an inspiring one, and you are a fine writer as well. I look forward to following your “dispatches from the front.”
Kudos to the originator of the “online community organizer” concept. Count me as a member of your community.
Wow, Jay! The story of your journey, through what must have been incredible pain and sadness, has really touched me. I am a straight, older woman and (in more recent years a Unitarian Universalist). I have volunteered working with people with AIDS and I have seen what those who claim to be religious (you name it: Christian, fundamentalist, Catholic, whatever) can do to those who are GLBTI to hurt, kill, harm, and alienate. It’s stories like yours…speaking OUT LOUD….that help keep me committed to joining you and others, gay and straight, to say WE ARE STANDING ON THE SIDE OF LOVE (AND “in the light”).
Keep speaking your truth and standing OUT there…more will follow!
Sharon
It’s not just ironic that spirituality is used to alienate LGBT people; it’s tragic. Let’s keep working to build a future where that doesn’t happen.