Posts Tagged ‘LGBTQ equality’

Black, Queer and Standing on the Side of Love

No Comments | Share On Facebook| Black, Queer and Standing on the Side of Love Share/Save/Bookmark May 06, 2013
Shanelle Matthews

This post was written by Shanelle Matthews.

Growing up, I didn’t always understand what love was. For me, it was both constant and obscure but it almost always came in the form of a harsh, demanding directive. My parents were relatively strict and in that way I knew they cared a great deal for my well-being but sometimes, it did come at the expense of my confidence.

My dad would tell my sister and I, “You have two strikes against you, you’re a woman and you’re Black” (and later a third strike when I came out). As I have evolved, I’ve challenged the metaphors he used to describe the challenges I would face in my life – but the point came across; life won’t be easy for you because of what you look like – and later, because of who you love.

Being a queer Black woman was always framed as a problem, not a lifestyle. I always had the tenacity to fight the unconstructive ways in which my life was discussed but behind closed doors. I felt wrought with frustration and sadness that the burden rest on my shoulders to convince others my life was valuable. This didn’t feel like love to me.

Love, in all of its nuanced complexity, is many things to many people. It is adorning and ostentatious, a glittery show of lights for the entire world to see, it is mindful and quaint, compliant and subtly exposed to an intimate audience of two; it is mellow but rich and full of niceties and sometimes love is grippingly unemotional, but consistently so. Compound emotional details aside, love is also a warm meal. It is enough money in your pocket to buy a dignifying cup of coffee, it is a warm, embracing coat on a cold winter’s day, the long, slow breath you take when you flip the switch and the lights come on, the ability make a decent wage, feed your family and live life away from the margins and closer to the center.

But for me love is embracing the notion that I have to fight for my right to live a full and satisfying life, free of scrutiny and judgment and that that fight won’t always be won. Standing on the side of love means reconciling that my existence is radically offensive to some and refreshingly welcomed by others and that’s okay.

Moving through the world as a queer, woman of color has proven to be both difficult and extremely rewarding but I am standing on the side of life because my life is valuable and sharing my story reminds others that their life is valuable too.

This post was written by Shanelle Matthews. Shanelle is the Communications Manager at Forward Together, an organization that leads grassroots actions and trains community leaders to transform policy and culture in ways that support individuals, families, and communities in reaching our full potential. Shanelle is working with UUA staff on the upcoming Mama’s Day celebrations. You can read her other Standing on the Side of Love blog posts here.

Tags: , , , , ,

Coming Out and Keeping the Faith

No Comments | Share On Facebook| Coming Out and Keeping the Faith Share/Save/Bookmark Apr 24, 2013

How strong does a person have to be to reconcile their LGBTQ identity and their faith in the face of family, religious, and community rejection? The short answer is: Incredibly strong.

For 80+ attendees of “Coming Out and Keeping the Faith” at Northern Essex Community College in Haverhill, Massachusetts, that strength was demonstrated by 6 panelists–3 young adults from the LGBTQ community and 3 local religious leaders.

Sponsored by LGBTQ Welcoming Communities of Faith (Welcoming Faiths), a coalition of open and affirming congregations in the Merrimack Valley, Massachusetts, and Greater Boston PFLAG, the evening’s discussion addressed one of the biggest and most divisive issues facing the LGBTQ community: bullying in the name of religion.

The three young adult LGBTQ panelists illustrated how religion factored into the anguish and rejection they felt from family, community, and even themselves, as they struggled to reconcile their faith and their sexuality. Kate spoke of her conservative parents who rejected her based on their religion. Carlo talked of being afraid he would “burn in hell” for his growing realization of his sexuality. Zach prayed nightly that God would “make him straight” and faced abuse from his peers that ultimately lead him to attempt suicide.

In response to these emotional stories, the religious leaders on the panel offered perspectives on how their faiths focus on acceptance, inclusion, and understanding. Rev. Lara Hoke of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation in Andover and Rabbi Karen Landy of Havurat Shalom in Andover talked about their congregations’ long-time acceptance of the LGBTQ community. Bill Henson, founder of Lead Them Home, spoke of his evangelical beliefs and his commitment to including all people who want to embrace his faith, regardless of sexual orientation. Personally and professionally, they expressed their own stories and reiterated their belief that everyone, no matter who they are, deserves a chance to embrace a faith. As Rev. Lara Hoke put it “God loves diversity.”

It is the ongoing mission of Welcoming Faiths to build upon the strength of the open and accepting spirit of their member congregations so that we can be as strong as the people who choose to join us. The eleven-member coalition was founded by South Church in Andover in April 2011. Faith communities represented include Episcopal, Jewish Reconstructionist, Unitarian Universalist, United Church of Christ, and United Methodist. To learn more about Welcoming Faiths, find us on Facebook or email us at welcomingfaiths@gmail.com.

This post was written by Lauren Remes. Lauren lives in Andover, Massachusetts, and is proud to be a part of LGBTQ Welcoming Communities of Faith as a representative of her congregation, Havurat Shalom.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Join Us Next Tuesday as We March for Marriage Equality!

3 Comments | Share On Facebook| Join Us Next Tuesday as We March for Marriage Equality! Share/Save/Bookmark Mar 19, 2013

Let us witness together in Washington, DC next Tuesday at A Prayer for Love & Justice and the United for Marriage Rally. Look for the large Standing on the Side of Love banner after the prayer service at 8:30 a.m. and join us in marching to the Supreme Court. We’ll be wearing our yellow SSL shirts; if you have one, please wear it too!

Marriage Equality Is Not Just for Same-Sex Couples

This post was written by Annette Marquis, LGBTQ and Multicultural Program Manager for the Unitarian Universalist Association.

Forty years ago, I first heard the word “homosexual” applied to me. I was eighteen years old when my mother disclosed that a nun from my Catholic girls’ boarding school had called with the news that I was involved in “an unsavory relationship with another girl.” The news devastated her. She never recovered from it. For many years, I yearned for her to accept me as a lesbian. I needed her acceptance to feel whole and it hurt and angered me that she withheld it.

In the eleven years since her death, I’ve come to realize that my mother could no more change who she was than I could become a heterosexual. My mother’s homophobia was not fear of homosexuality, it was fear for her lesbian daughter. Because society disparaged same-sex love so vehemently, she could not reconcile her fear. She feared that others would mistreat me, or at the very least, think less of me, and that, ultimately, God would condemn me. What she feared most of all was that she had done something to cause me to suffer this fate. Ironically, it was her deep love for me in a society filled with hate and intolerance that prevented her from accepting me as a lesbian.

On March 26, 2013, I’ll be attending a 7:15 a.m. prayer service, A Prayer for Love & Justice at the Lutheran Church of the Reformation in Washington, D.C., and then witnessing in front of the United States Supreme Court to join the United for Marriage Rally as the justices hear the first of two cases related to marriage equality for same-sex couples. Later than evening, I will attend Parting the Waters: A Seder for Love, Liberation & Justice. As the LGBTQ and Multicultural Ministries Program Manager for the Unitarian Universalist Association, I will join others as, once again, we stand on the side of love. Most of all, I hope our presence there reminds people that affirming same-sex love matters. If you can join me, wear your Standing on the Side of Love shirt and look for the SSL banner outside the church after the prayer service at about 8:30 a.m.

If you cannot be in DC on March 26, I hope you will join one of the many faith events happening around the country or create one of your own. You can find the full list or register your event at United for Marriage.

In the years since my mother died, nine states–Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Maryland, Maine, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont and Washington, and the District of Columbia–have recognized same-sex marriage. Regardless of the Supreme Court’s rulings on the two cases before them, more states, like Rhode Island and Illinois who are now considering bills, are sure to follow. Hearts and minds are changing. Publically and privately, people are reconsidering long-held beliefs about same-sex relationships and coming out in support.

And yet, I know that full marriage equality is not a panacea. Clerics will still blaspheme LGBTQ people from their pulpits; politicians will continue to deride us in the hope of attracting voters; employers will still fire us; detractors will still beat and kill us. And, because of the hate kindled by these clerics and politicians and employers and attackers, we will still kill ourselves.

But maybe, just maybe, as marriage equality becomes a reality for all Americans, the hate will subside. Maybe lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer-identified youth, whether or not they eventually choose to marry, will have more hope about their lives. And maybe parents will be able to let go of enough of their fear to love and accept their children.

Marriage equality is not just for same-sex couples; it’s for the millions of people who love us and need to know society is not pitted against us. Please join me, so that together we can replace fear with love.

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

After Being Protested by Westboro Baptist Church

No Comments | Share On Facebook| After Being Protested by Westboro Baptist Church Share/Save/Bookmark Mar 12, 2013

This insightful reflection is from Katie Carpenter, co-president of the Unitarian Universalist campus ministry group at Vassar College. It is cross-posted from Blue Boat, the blog of the Unitarian Universalist Association’s Office of Youth & Young Adult Ministries. 

The Westboro Baptist Church protested Vassar College on February 28th, for supporting LGBTQ rights. In response, Vassar’s current and alumni community came together amazingly to denounce Westboro Baptist’s views, in part by raising over $100,000 for The Trevor Project, which provides crisis support and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ youth. Seeing people rise to meet the challenge made me incredibly proud of my community, and what it strives to stand for.

But what made me prouder was to hear Vassar alum Joseph Tolton, the National Minister of Social Justice from the Fellowship of Affirming Ministries in New York, speak about not just his love for the school but his desire to see it always improving. In the discourse over this event, I’ve heard students challenge the school and point out that homophobia, racism, sexism, cissexism, and other inequalities do exist here; they exist everywhere.

It was a strange experience, to be sure, seeing the Westboro Baptist Church members. There were four of them, and they looked just like you see in pictures; offensive posters, American flags on their clothing, the whole bit. But after you get over the initial surprise that they actually exist, it was easy to not take them very seriously. It’s easy – maybe too easy – to look at Westboro Baptist and feel safe because they’re extreme, and we can distance ourselves from their opinions.

It’s easier to confront hate when it’s in the form of four angry, irrational people on the other side of a police barricade, and you have over 500 people standing with you. It’s not so easy to look inward at your community and demand better. Denouncing the Westboro Baptist Church is easy, but it’s only the beginning of creating real change. Continuing down that path requires facing our own biases and assumptions. We may not agree with hate groups, but we do all have a responsibility for a world in which they can exist. Seeing many Vassar students try to take ownership of that fact gave me an enormous sense of love and appreciation for my community, despite its faults, and I think that’s a sturdy foundation to build from.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Call to Action in the Spirit of Love

No Comments | Share On Facebook| A Call to Action in the Spirit of Love Share/Save/Bookmark Feb 26, 2013

This post was written by Sun Principe.

Last month, I attended the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force Creating Change conference in Atlanta, Georgia. In attendance were, roughly, 3,500 LGBTQ activists, allies, advocates, lobbyists, justice workers, and those who represent faith communities that are welcoming to all of us.

As I prepared for the work of this conference, I opened up memories of the past year, and the pain that others have shared with me, in the struggle for equality. The struggle, by the way, is getting old. The very fist time that I exchanged information with an LGBTQ civil rights advocate so that we could work on marriage equality, was 21 years ago. I was so much younger and full of fire for the fight.

Now I see how much the fight has cost us. Sometimes I want to wake up and have this all be over and done with. I do not want to read about another family torn apart, another same sex couple denied rights, benefits, and services. And in the worst of the worst case scenarios, I do not want to read about the death of one more partner who trusted that the military, or her company, would do the right thing and release benefits to her partner.

My soul…literally every fiber of my being, is aching for change to come, to see my people treated as equal in the eyes of the law. Will I allow this to define me or my purpose on this earth?

Hell no…because in my world the ultimate source is my higher power. Love. By all of the names that we call our higher power, God, Goddess, Earth Mother, Buddha, Allah, Spirit of Life, The Divine, Maker, the great unknown…I call this love. I have never believed in a punishing God. If there is a source that is greater and all loving then so be it, and let it love each of us equally.

Ahead of me lies a huge and life changing responsibility. I have to deliver the right words to my people, who come to this work open, vulnerable, hungry for knowledge and community, seeking, teaching, working, and often, hurting. Finding the words that are going to help them on their journey has not been the easiest thing for me, so I step back, and I witness. What I see is pain all around me. What I see is a community of civil rights advocates who are not going to allow a second-class citizenship be a reality for any of us.

What I see is hope.

What I see is a pathway of justice burning brightly leading us into the future.

Each one of us can be a contributor to this revolution that is ongoing and being carried out by the few to benefit the many. If you have not written or called a Senator or Representative regarding a piece of legislation or a concern, now is the time.

We need one another, because we cannot walk alone. There will be no marriage equality, or stronger hate crimes legislation, access to adoption for all people, fairness…if we do not do this work together.

Please, waste no time. Use today to join the movement.

This post was written by Sun Principe, an LGBTQ & Immigration Ministry Consultant from Phoenix, Arizona. You can get find Sun on Twitter at @sunprincipe.

Tags: , , , , ,